Sunday, 8 September 2013

Dr Christian Jessen

noun. dok-tur-kris-tee-un-jes-sen

Medical doctor and TV presenter. Star of six seasons of Embarrassing Bodies and innumerable rounds of embarrassing tweets. Dispenses medical advice and opinions from his Twitter feed, usually in CAPITAL LETTERS for added gravitas.

Dr Jessen has also starred in various other TV shows, such as Supersize vs Superskinny, in which he ventures into the world of eating disorders. He has been keen to ensure such topics are being handled in a socially responsible way.

He also shows a compassionate bedside manner when engaging with people who have lived experience of such conditions.

Dr Jessen is also something of a one-man Twitterstorm generator, due to his habit of retweeting any criticisms to his 265,000 followers. This tends to be exacerbated by the fact that this is 265,000 of the kind of people who view shows like Embarrassing Bodies as edgy and challenging.

"Holy crap! Inverted nipples!"

The good doctor also tends to use his Twitter feed to rail against what he calls "faux-feminists". This is despite the fact that feminism is a topic where Dr Jessen is...shall we say....somewhat out of his depth. In fact, if he were any more out of his depth James Cameron would send out a submersible. As a result, exchanges tend to take place along these lines:

Dr Jessen: "False rape allegations are abhorrent!"

Intersectionalist: "Actually, false rape allegations are very rare in proportion to genuine ones."

Dr Jessen: "Yes, I know they're rare, but they're also abhorrent."

Intersectionalist: "And I know they're abhorrent, but they're also rare."

Dr Jessen: "You silly little girl! Don't you know that false rape allegations are abhorrent as well as rare?"

Intersectionalist: "You rape apologist! Don't you know that false rape allegations are rare as well as abhorrent?"

To be continued, for approximately three days. Various tweeting intersectionalists and feminists will all pile into the argument. In return, Dr Jessen's fans will also pile on, until the whole thing starts to resemble a 140-character version of the battle scenes in 300. Only more cartoonish.

No comments:

Post a Comment